Happy Birthday Claudia!

Today was a sad day for me. It's almost five weeks since my beloved friend, soul mate and wife Claudia passed away. The emptiness in my heart has not changed, although the pain in my soul has dulled with the passing of time.

Claudia is my best friend, in many ways my only real friend. She is the one being that I trust, and she trusts me. In fact, she trusted me with her very life. I did my best to live up to that trust, and I pulled her back from the brink of death dozens of times.

I have lived with her illnesses (asthma, diabetes, edema, wounds and bruises, kidney problems and so on) that it seems somehow bizarre and unreal not to have to worry about her anymore. I used to call her from everywhere, just to talk and to make sure she was doing okay. My cell phone bill shows over 2,000 minutes a month of calls to her, month in and month out!

Today, her 50th birthday, I drove over to Joshua Tree national park and looked at the flowers. This is the best wildflower bloom in a hundred years, thanks to all of the rain we've had in California, and it somehow seemed appropriate to spend the day looking at pretty flowers. It somehow reminded me of her beautiful qualities and what a special person she is.

And yes, I am writing about her in the present tense even though her body has died, been cremated and scattered to the ocean. The spirit lives on and, I am sure, has found a new shell. From the ashes of death new life is reborn. I am absolutely certain I will meet Claudia again one day, and I know that I will recognize her. She may or may not recognize me ... we shall see what time brings.

She and I are soul mates in more ways than one. And soul mates are not kept separate for long by such a silly little thing as a body which fails and dies. Bodies are frail things ... we spirits are immortal.

Even with this knowledge (certainty), I miss my beloved greatly. I wish that I could have stayed up all night making her a birthday page like I've done for the past few years, then seen her face as she looked it over. I wish that I could have bought her some jewelry or a pretty thing to give her and make her smile. I wish I could give her a hug and a kiss and tell her she is beautiful. I wish I could wish her happy 50th birthday.

I am sad this day. Claudia is a special being. She is one of the great spirits of this universe. I miss her a lot.

Happy 50th birthday, Claudia, wherever you are. I'll catch up with you in a few years, decades, centuries or millennia as the case may be.

Your friend and soul mate, Richard

My thoughts about Claudia

Well i do miss her of course, but i suppose i haven't really accepted she has really left us, it feels like she is on holiday and will be back........thats how i feel, i try not to dwell on these things like losing my Dad in January, if i sit and think about it the tears come, so i just keep myself occupied all the time. I do miss her asking how we all are and her great sense of humour, so its nice that Richard has asked.

Hugs Pattie

Dear Richard

With talk of an upcoming get together with some of our WWAUS sisters, I truly regret that I never got to meet Claudia face to face. I miss her banter, her jokes and her candor. I so admired her strength. She gave us all strength.

To hear her say to me many times how much she admired me was humbling to say the least. I'm blessed with somewhat decent health, a family and numerous friends. But to have a woman of such courage say that to me...well. That's something I will never forget. When I feel down, I can just imagine her replies to me, cheering me on, patting me on the shoulder and giving me comfort. I am honored to be her Online Sister. (She will always be my sister, no matter what realm she resides in, and I take comfort that one day, I will have that special privilege of meeting her) I think about her every day.

I made French Toast the other day for my son Ian and cried, cuz Baby couldn't have any (I would always post when I made French Toast, so Claudia would know that I made extra :-). I had always wanted to treat her to some. Though I do get a sad smile when I see a sig tag with her name on it. I came across some that I had found for her but never sent to her. For that, I am sorry. Things are chaotic here...at best, but we're hanging in there. Drew is working back home now, so that makes things a lot better. She was very worried about us being apart like that. We were so happy when you were able to get her email working in our Journey of the Planet and the Fool group. Drew often asked about her. I'm happy that you are moving on with your life, I know there's a painful void, but she will make sure it's filled as will your faith, keeping busy and doing what you want to do were important to her, I know. Thank you for taking such good care of her and for loving her. You were her rock too... Do hope that we can stay in touch

Rita

Hello Richard! I'm not the writer that most of the ladies are nor can I put my feeling into words in a proper manner. However, I did want you to know how I feel after losing Claudia.

First, Happy Birthday, Baby Claudia! I'm missing her more than I thought I would. She sent me cards monthly and I miss those. She wrote to me and was always concerned about my health and wondered what I was doing. She was always telling me to be careful when I went on an ambulance transfer. Claudia was always there for me. Even when she was sick she'd tell me that she was wondering how I was.

When I first came to this group and met our dear Claudia, I was lost in more ways than one. I was severely depresses and thought I really didn't have a reason to live. But, she was there for me, always! She took the time to tell me about her health and her life and I told her about mine. I felt different after visiting with her. She inspired me so much and still does to this day. She had a harder life than I could ever imagine but she took the time to help me with my health problems and to cheer me on. I will always love her for that.

After Claudia left us, I was lost. I had promised her that I would help the group continue the way that she would want it to and I intend to keep my promise. For several days after she passed on, I felt her presence here with me. It was like I had a guardian angel. It was a wonderful feeling because I felt her with me and when I need her most, I can feel her here with me to this day.

The photo's that you sent through the group Richard when you placed Claudia's ashes in the water, was so real that I felt like I was there with you, I know our angel Claudia was there. I also know that when she told me that she'd always be with me and love me forever, that she wasn't just saying it. I'm very lucky to have had her in my life and had her love me. I love her and miss her terribly.

Thank you for letting me share my feelings with you, Richard!

Love and Hugs, Karen

It's Your Special Day - Happy Birthday Claudia

Happy Birthday

Thoughts of Claudia