Life Is Weird Sometimes

My beloved Claudia passed away ninety days ago. It seems like a whole lifetime, and it seems like yesterday. I remember the last day we spent together as if it happened an hour ago. I remember every nuance of every minute of those last few hours. I recall the smells, the sounds, the words that people said, the air pressure, the perfume of the nurse, the sympathy from one of the doctors. My memory of that time is so crystal clear that I can count the holes in the ceiling tiles of her hospital room, I can tell you the hairstyles of each of the nurses, and I can tell you what the security guard had for breakfast. It is all etched into my memory forever with perfect clarity.

I remember every detail of the last day of the life of my best friend. One of the worst days I have ever experienced, the day I had to watch as she left this life behind.

My how one's life takes unexpected turns sometimes. Never in a million years would I have predicted that I would be a widower at age 44. In my mind, an alien invasion of this planet was far more likely. Richard a widower? No way. Couldn't happen.

I am moving forward, concentrating on the future and not on the past. I am remaining sane. My strategy is working; I am surviving and I will persevere.

My weekdays days are spent at work, which is very fulfilling and completely distracting. There is no time to get sad or depressed; too much to accomplish in too short a time period. I am always in action, always doing something. It's the best thing for me right now.

Evenings and weekends are filled with activities. I travel constantly, experiencing the wonders of the great state of California. It takes my mind off the loss of my best friend.

I enjoy seeing the wonders of nature. This year has the most spectacular flower bloom in a hundred years due to the record amounts of rainfall we've receiving in California. It's almost as if nature herself is showing her respect for the life of my friend.

The beaches, mountains and deserts of California are becoming well known to me. I am in love with the Palm Springs Tram, I've enjoyed Joshua tree national park, and the beaches are awesome.

Then there are the museums, libraries, buildings, roads, bridges and other works of man to explore. On top of that, the Renaissance Faire beckons, as does the annual Civil War reenactment and the pirate faire in San Juan Capistrano.

I have a desire to visit the places that she and I visited; Disneyland, Magic Mountain, the old Marineland Beach, Apple Valley, Cherry Valley and Sea World. I want to experience in a new time the places that we enjoyed together.

All of the traveling, the work, the writing on my web sites an everything else I am doing keeps me sane and keeps me from dwelling on my loss and grief. It is helping me get through this difficult time.

Even now, ninety days after my love has passed on, I feel such incredible love that I cannot even describe it to another person. Claudia is a special being, and I miss her more than most people can imagine.

Life moves on.

Things change.

Sometimes I wander around my home, examining the things that Claudia and I shared. I look at her pictures and remember her special smile. I recall her smell and the peaceful look on her face as she was sleeping.

I remember my friend and I smile. I am happy, because I was blessed for a brief time (eleven and a half years) with sharing my life with a special being. She gave me the gift of her, wholly and without condition.

There is no time for grief. The period of mourning is long gone.

I remember my friend. I love my friend. I always will. For as long as the universe lasts and beyond.

I've been taking lots and lots of pictures. You can see them at http://www.roseworks.com/ and http://www.sitefromtheheart.com/

Claudia wrote a little story about her illness. You can read it and my own version here: http://www.richardlovesclaudia.us/