How Does One Adjust to Losing a Best Friend?

Well, it is almost eight weeks since my friend and wife passed away. The years I spent with this lovely woman seem like a lifetime ago, like a dream of some far off land in some fairy realm. It's hard to believe that she has only been gone for eight weeks...

I miss Claudia tremendously. The sense of loss that I feel, as well as the sense of failure, cannot be expressed in mere words. She is my best friend, and we were going to spend our lives together.

I come home each day and I open the door to my apartment (how strange it is to think of it as "my" apartment instead of "ours"), expecting to see her sleeping on the couch, waiting for me. I always used to anticipate getting home so I could see her smile and ask her how her day went. Now, as I enter the door I see the empty couch, and feel, well, a little empty.

It feels strange, not having someone to call a dozen times a day to share some words. Life feels a little less fulfilling than it did; something is missing - that special bond of love, trust and happiness.

Sometimes, I look at her picture and feel pleasure; yes, I feel pleasure and a sense of pride at having been with this woman for over a decade, staying with her through the good times and the bad. I have been blessed by my friendship with this being, and I count every minute that I spent with her as special. It didn't matter if those minutes were sad, happy, angry, depressed or whatever - they were all special because they were shared with an incredible, wonderful person.

My friends tell me that someone else will come along. I have been assured that it is possible to find another special lady, someone to spend a lifetime with. I don't know about that ... I guess only time will tell.

However, life goes on and I am recovering from the loss. My strategy of keeping insanely busy is working to a great extent; I simply don't have time to get depressed or feel blue for very long.

On the weekends, I travel all over the state, visiting it's many wondrous places and experiencing it's sights, sounds and smells. California is a special state which I have grown to love and I want to see as much of it as I can. I have spent a lot of time in the desert, taking advantage of the colder weather of winter and the incredible flowers blooming everywhere. As the year progresses, my eyes shall shift to the mountains, beaches and cities of the state.

During the week, my job keeps me more than busy. We are implementing new computer systems which will make everyone's jobs more productive. The schedule is rough and the hours are long (my group and I receive pages 24 hours a day, 7 days a week) but the work is fulfilling and challenging.

On the weeknights, I am finishing up a course. I'll be done with that in a couple of weeks, then it's on to the next one (with a short break in between).

And next month (April) I begin again the long, difficult task of completing the Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer certification. This is a series of 7 tests on the Windows operating system. It is very challenging and difficult, and I need to finish it up in six months. A couple of years ago I gained this certification on an earlier version of Windows - now it is time to renew it for the newest version.

As you can see, I am busy busy busy. My health is excellent, and I have gone to great lengths to ensure it remains so. For all those who have asked - yes, I am eating salads! And other healthy foods as well. My doctor has checked me over and given me a solid thumbs up.

My plans for the future? To remain healthy, pursue my religion to the highest levels, be extremely productive at work and travel all over California and beyond. I want to experience many different things, everything from sky diving and scuba diving to eating strange foods to hiking up the side of San Jacinto.

I think the main lesson I've learned in these past few years is life is too short to waste. I have concluded that the only way to live is to live, not to sit around watching television or reading the newspaper. No, the answer, at least for me, is to live hard and fast, and experience the wonders that this magical planet has to offer.

I've been taking lots and lots of pictures. You can see them at http://www.roseworks.com/

Claudia wrote a little story about her illness. You can read it and my own version here: http://www.richardlovesclaudia.us/